HOW TO be The Domestic Diva of Drink

As we come to the end of yet another Winter, many of you are still committed to your New Year's Resolutions, some have been long forgotten, and if you are me, they were never made. How can one make a firm decision against indulgence during the most indulgent time of the year? My solution is simple. Don't!

With a few lingering holiday parties, New Year's Eve just behind us and Spring is looming on the horizon, we are still deep in the throes of the holiday season. So throw out all of those ridiculous inclinations toward the gym, cutting back on your drinking and quitting smoking (you can resume them again in, oh, let's say April) and raise a glass of the beautiful bubbly to this extravagant, fantastic, wonderfully decadent time of year!

First thing's first.

When it comes to wine, snobs the world over have made the whole business tricky and intimidating to the casual consumer. Wine should be an enjoyable experience, not a catalyst for an anxiety attack, although, if you want a little Xanax with your Chardonnay, who am I to judge?

Hopefully, armed with a little information, some of the stresses and difficulties surrounding what is quite simply grape juice will wane, and you'll be left to swirl and quaff in peace.

Don't allow yourself to be bullied or snubbed by whomever it is you are buying wine from. Believe it or not, your server, wine store merchant, gay-wedding planner, not gay wedding planner, or tasting room attendant wasn't born with wine knowledge. In fact, oftentimes, these people are on the other side of the wine anxiety system in that, they're terrified you are going to know more than they do, pretend to, or ask a question that they simply don't have the answer to.

Here's how it breaks down.

You are buying a product that they are selling. It's a simple business agreement and you should have all the information you need before making the purchase. Know what you like and ask appropriate questions. If you want a sweet Champagne, don't be sandbagged by someone who wants to get into the sweetness vs. ripeness debate. Ask for a sweet Champagne, same goes for dry, fruity, fine bubbled, etc.

Have an idea of what you want and then ask for guidance.

Having a price guideline in mind is never a bad idea either. It will save time if the person selling to you knows that you are a big baller and want a ridiculously overpriced bottle of bubbly or if you are the cheapest SOB in the room. Also, when ordering in a restaurant, after the wine is presented, when you taste, you are making sure the bottle is not off NOT that you like it. By having the bottle brought to the table and accepting it, it is now your bottle. You don't get to send it back because you aren't crazy about it. That's tacky, don't do it.

Easy enough, now let's talk Champagne specifics.

I'm not going to give you the whole boring history of the world here. I imagine that Mark Kurlansky will at some point give you that - much the same as he did with Salt. That, you'll have to read without my help. I just want to give you a brief outline.

Contrary to popular belief, Dom Perignon did NOT invent Champagne.

Say whaa? Stay tuned! Yep, this is a good ol' fashioned two-parter.

To be continued...

What 'Somewhat-melier' HOW TOs has your Jack or Jill shared with you?