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How To :: give good convo
The kind of deep discussions that make you choke on the French 75 mixed just for you by your favorite (read :: hottest) bartender at the Varnish. The sort of sexy exchange that whets your appetite for more than the Kumamoto Oysters at Gjelina. Way more. Quite simply, a naughty natter between friends and hopefully-more-than friends that sends you digging furiously in your Vuitton for your valet ticket. Check, please!
My tribe + I live and die for these chats
Now, I must tell you, they're a pretty stellar group. I'd be shocked if Garance Doré passed them on the street without snapping – they are memorable. Better yet, they're smart. They scream through Sunday's crossword in the Times, Kindle like crazy and read the Independent with a British accent.
But when you get them gossiping about sex, love and Ray LaMontagne's beard, my gorgeous girls and gays turn into a bunch of spicy old men playing Hold ‘Em in the back room of some speakeasy.
I halfway expect them to grab my ass and call me Toots (in the straight way).
A few weeks ago, my Jack talked me down from the second floor. I'd asked my man if he'd rather make his fortune as a highly-paid but overworked doctor, or a porn star who earned the same amount after only three movies. He answered quickly. Porn star, it was.
It's early days for us, but I still assumed he was a tad nobler than this. I wanted an answer with soul that shook mine to the core. Also, I couldn't quite wrap my brain around the idea that a porn star could be the father of my someday babies. Whatever would I tell my mother? Or worse, how would I explain his career to the other mothers in my someday baby yoga class?
Among other advice, my tribe suggested that I close my eyes and let him porn it out. Take the money and run to start a children's charity or adoption agency, or just hand out hundreds on the street. And then I was sent home to heal my man.
Not all of our heart-to-hearts end so perfectly
I once nearly brought happy hour to a decidedly unhappy end when I posited the question :: Would you rather be the wealthiest person in Tennessee, or live poor in Paris?
Things got heated, and not in the best way. I was imagining a spirited discourse involving a cheap but hot artist's garret within view of the Eiffel Tower, with a cheap and hot artist as part of the rental agreement. What transpired, however, was a discussion about happiness as related to wealth, plus a few accusations about one or more of us being anti-Tennessee.
Hmph. Some of my best gays are Tennesseans.
Another fail was asking "If you could steal anyone's lover for just one night, who would you steal?"
Apparently, this question is much better rhetorically. Also, if you feel hard-pressed to answer this one aloud, I would highly advise you to not name your best Jack's boyfriend unless you'd like the evening – and your favorite friendship – to come to a crushing halt.
But there's hope for us chat addicts. There is. I have a few simple suggestions to amp up any romantic interlude you can imagine. And even ones you've not yet imagined.
Text him. My Jack advised me to send my man this little gem :: "What a day. Needing a stiff drink.. or a stiff something, baby."
He raced home in record time
Ah, the wisdom of a boy who loves boys. According to my best Jack, a lady should ask her date about rituals, like the first thing he does to get ready for a night out and, depending on the heat of the answer, the first thing he takes off at the conclusion of said night out.
I once told a guy that it seriously sends me over the edge when a man unhooks my watch or carefully removes my earrings. Just the whisper of his touch on my wrist or neck takes all my gasps away.
Poor thing couldn't take his eyes off my baubles all night in anticipation.
My Jack thinks I'm nuts
There's no need for conversation, Jamie, he smiles. Some of my hottest hook-ups happened without one word exchanged.
Really? I can't believe that.
But then again, I'm the girl who just sent her boy (on the heels of clearly very Hot Advice from Jack) the following message :: "Let's play pirates tonight. Not entirely sure of the rules, but pretty sure they involve some rum and a little treasure. So get your treasure over here."
Are you and your tribe ‘chat addicts’?
